Signs rendered in the cities g l o w

BOO

2005-04-15T03:29:08Z

Today has been like the last 7 days ...painful, amazing yet uncomfortable. The Boy and I are on a break. For those of you who hang out with me...you know the whole saga. Anyhow I wanted to update because I haven't been on this computer in what seems like an eternity. Lately everyone asks me "sO kELSEY, HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?" The response is nothing but repetitive..."I'm okay!" The truth is that there are so many feelings that tend to race through this busy head of mine...I just can't keep up. The days all bleed together each more strange than the last. But then again its been good..I have been surrounding myself with people who truly care about me and then those who I have just discovered. It's funny how you go through something painful and certain people pop out of the woodwork..as do i ? All I know is that my feelings for him seem more real than ever, my head is clear and all the things I've set out to do, I've done or I'm in the process of doing. The truth is...is that I really don't know who I am yet...and finding out is somewhat uncomfortable..and finding out WITHOUT HIM is even weirder but I know that we both needed a change in pace... I know that we both needed this space.

<3 ME

xnouseforanamex @ 2005-02-11T20:47:00

2005-02-12T04:44:59Z

I think way too much and I trip too far ahead to ever notice...but then I remember...or notice? whatever.
People disappear this song makes me think...I miss a lot...

update

i am good whatever
boyfriend and i are good
fuckin shit fuck ghsdkhgkfnhklfdkhndfhk

push down the caffeine...drop kick the punks

2005-01-28T01:11:03Z

>>I bought a bunny
<

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<yesterday!<<>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<center>>>I bought a bunny
<<YESTERDAY!<<
>>I will post pics of me and bunny soon
<<My face hurts
>>maybe my piercing is healing...who knows
<<I've acquired an addiction to Starbucks
>>Life is grand
<<BOO
<<I need a job
>>I am poor
<<people are fucked.."heroin was so yesterday"

</center>

xnouseforanamex @ 2005-01-18T18:34:00

2005-01-19T02:46:54Z

FRIDAY-Me, N2ck,Jean,Melissa,Brian,Joe,Ben,John,Carmel,Tawny...
Our hang out consisted of lots of driving and a trip to the beach

I am the champion and a has been?
John makes the funniest prank calls about baseballs and catching them in china

Anyhow life has been interesting lately I've been feeling content but discontent if that makes sense. Feelings to me are still hard to pinpoint. I recently got a year clean and sober on the 1st which is an accomplishment. I guess i have all the time in the world to really understand whats going on with Kelsey. As of now, nothings changed...I'm still an emotional teenager..blah But shits good my sister just turned 6 today....woohoooo!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN

ON ANOTHER NOTE

Jeanas back which is kinda bahd...it's been nice seeing her..it's brought around people i havnt seen a long while. :)

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-11-17T20:25:00

2004-11-18T04:39:44Z

Lately shits fucked. I hate live journal and everything it has to "offer" but yet, I still degrade myself and come update from time to time.

FUCK. Fuck. FUCK

Anyways I'm having a hard time dealing. The only thing that's keeping me sane is hopes of getting the fuck out and my car... I might sound dramatic...or what not but I know that feelings can't be false. It's like this...I know all this shit is going on and my head is running a mile a minute...I seem to hate a lot these days and all I can do to stay a float is to forget what's really going on...whats really going on with me. I know I feel all of this shit yet, I'm not feeling any of it because the last few months have been a consistent and constant effort to mask it all By keeping myself busy. Not intentionally..I guess by nature? who knows I'm rambling. Fuck. Sometimes I wish it was easier.

Bye-Bye

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-08-13T12:48:00

2004-08-13T19:49:21Z

so i have to go back to school this year...I guess I'm going to chatsworth

"excuse me mr. negro"- jena

2004-08-05T05:47:04Z

Im missin melissa...:( im stayin wit her fo a week. seeeeee and were going to vegas to be strippers because were skinny and hott. I love the killers and i miss n1,n2 and chris....i miss jeana and the days where wed camp and tramp and shit with niggers runnin from the cops...they werent really niggers but they were really strung out on life and thier dog ebony??????? WHAT.

so not that u people give a shit butttt i have like 7 months and 4 days clean and sober and im comming out of this phunk..lovin life..livin the grind. but im reading my 4th step to my sponssssss...which is rad..and sad....so sad so sad...so were going to the cliff at the beach in 10 min to read my deepest darkest shit, fears, emotions, regrets. Why is life so beautifullll!?"

my boyfriend and i are comming up on our 6 months on saturday and im so lucky..i love him more than i could ever express or show......ughhhhhhhhhhhhh I LOVE YOU!

I love my life today and the people who are in it...even if i dont talk to you....i love you...oh man .... I remember the days of monkey bars and being a kid the innocence of it all takes my breath away...."

I'm learning.....every day that GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF IS A MAGICAL THING

"excuse me mr. negro"- jena

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-07-01T11:38:00

2004-07-01T18:38:27Z

New lj....

Retro_This

ADD IT NOW

if anyone wants to fucking spiff up an lj and is damn good at it..please comment and let me know

Kelsey

This house, it's too cold for comfort

2004-06-27T20:14:42Z

This house...

This house is dark filled with too much to express

Anger
Hate
Jealousy
Lies
Manipulation

It seems to be the story of my life but this time i have a new way to cope with it..a new way to cope with life. It's these times I hate myself..when I absorb the darkness that still lingers here...when I think about all that was lost..all that was forgotten..each time this seems to be it.

I've Struggled, I've failed and it's time to forget

My little har

2004-06-25T17:14:09Z

Live Journal serves little purpose...yet I still break down like a nigg and write in it? what? OK.

I love you more.

You are the most amazing thing that has ever been put in my life and I thank "god" everyday. You complete me, you make me whole and best of all you make me a better person..I can't imagine life without you...your my strength, my hope, my courage...my best friend. I can't imagine loving anyone but you. You're an amazing man and I will forever be grateful for this chapter in my life..I pray it never ends.

I love you.<3

Ps.
I love how he DOES NOT have L.J. and I just write...ahhaha I'm strange, I know.

I hope everyone has an amazing summer.

rkhqwieothiesahtgioew love love love

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-06-05T09:42:00

2004-06-05T16:43:33Z

Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.

you guys...c'mon how great are the killers?

anywho last night was fun...love you jess....i may still be clean and sober but i still pee in bushes...

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-06-02T12:54:00

2004-06-02T20:01:40Z

I love you kfhskbgkjbgkjbgk

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-05-22T08:40:00

2004-05-22T15:45:19Z

Horse The Band...
Tuesday May, 25.
Need I say more?!

ahhhhh! dhgdihgifdhgdifhgidf

"I gave my heart away..."-AILD

2004-05-15T15:26:35Z

Last night:

The show was kinda ehh...As I lay Dieing only played 3 songs and that was it.....their whole set?!!! and on top of that my friend fucked up the tickets so we got split up and neither of us went in the pit....I hate the Wiltern it's lame especially when u have seats on that fucking balcony. Anyways So him and I decided to just go....NO PIT , NO FUN. The night was ruined...

UNTIL...

we met up with Harmonious Harloooo and Cody at 3rd and gardner (?)

So..... the night turned out to be A okay...so heres the scoop...I'm getting my fake I.D soon....probably my first or second paycheck...so......everyone is goin to beat it. This crack head in Hollywood sells em for like 100 bucks ...niiiceee. ahahha cant wait !!

So yeah alright I have work today at good old subway.. from 11-2 I think...if you want to come in...come in....anywhjo working with laura and keanna-bannanananananna is fun.

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-05-14T12:26:00

2004-05-14T19:29:00Z

today..the beach with my girls....tonight....As I lay Dieing, Kill switch engageg and In Flames...if youdddddd like to go with me and this dude call me up at home... (818)882-6339 tickets are being sold at the door i do do do believe...come come ..come one come alllll.....

I got a job...at subway...devonshire and mason...come buy my shitty sandwiches..thanks

Life is cool

Im done.

The best song in the world...this is the best song in the world- Tenacious D.

2004-05-05T20:41:42Z

This song is amazing.

I think I'm drowning asphyxiating I wanna break the spell that you've created

you're something beautiful a contradiction I wanna play the game I want the friction

you will be the death of me yeah, you will be the death of me

bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it

our time is running out and our time is running out you can't push it underground we can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom but I'm restricted I tried to give you up but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation you'll never dream of breaking this fixation you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it

our time is running out and our time is running out you can't push it underground we can't stop it screaming out how did it come to this

you will suck the life out of me

bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it

our time is running out and our time is running out you can't push it underground we can't stop it screaming out

how did it come to this

Update for me and me only...

2004-05-02T20:09:37Z

Jack just took a cake for a year..that was cool shit.. I never fucking realized how many well known musicians and/or actors were in recovery crazzzyyy.

Alright so life is life and whatever it has its ups and downs..im just learning to deal and stop excercising self will. Because all self will is self centerdnesss and self seeking behavior and alterior motives and bullshit...lately ive felt really scattered ....my head is going a miles a minute and the coffee and rockstars really dont help but i dont know....I just keep reminding myself not to dwell and try not to control shit... because my god has a plan....I hope. I'm having a really hard time accepting this statement "the close friends you have now will slowly but surely move further and further away from your life...but not from my heart" and so it took me a quick minute to realize...well fuck, that's alreayd happening...but I'm going to keep doing what i'm doing and shit

6 months in one month and counting.......

I'm going to see As I Lay Dieing on the 14th or some shit....it should be fun fun

Fuck that nigger

2004-04-16T15:54:40Z

so so so so...Moms outta of town.....woooo dgldhsgjbkdsgjs SO EXCITEDDDD

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-04-03T15:42:00

2004-04-03T23:57:18Z

So.....

*I spoke at my first meeting on Wed. which was a Crystal Meth Ananymous meeting in L.A.... good shit. It was liberating. WHAT WHAT

*I'm currently looking for a job...one that pays above minimum wage and will hire 16 year olds...I NEED money...any suggestions will be greatly appreciated....HELP!!

* N1 is in town...I miss him. And the old days of camping and dogs named ebony...and frogs in the ocean? I wish i kinda had the crew back...or at least partially but do to misunderstandings, friendships have been completely ruined for no good reason. But I miss you guys.

alright so life lately is alright I'll have like 4 months clean and sober in a couple days which feels really fucking good. Shit with the fam is alright...staying home a lot lately...re-connecting with people. Trying to get my shit in check.

I lost my Faint CD and got a new one...I feel in love all over again.

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-03-26T10:41:00

2004-03-26T18:50:42Z

?

IMPORTANT...READ...
I recently watched this video that made me completely disgusted with the way that animals are treated in slaughter houses and on farms and such..to think that we actually treat these creatures this way. The cruelty that was so harshly portrayed in this short film was enough to push me over the edge and completely take meat off of my diet. Power to the animals! and thank you to Tina.

SHITS BEEN CHANGED

2004-03-05T22:27:53Z

My 16th Birthday BASHHHHH

...will be held at Matador Brunswick bowl inbetween Nordhoff and Roscoe on the east side of the street. TONIGHT AT 7:00pm

The address- 9118 Balboa Northridge Ca...and if you need directions call the bowling alley....(818)892-8677

After party at my casa- 20953 hemmingway st. Canoga Park C.A 91304 (818) 882-6339 call me if you want to come hang.

If you can't go bowling be sure to stop by at the afterparty. Hope to see everyone there.

sorry for the change....STOP bys are welcomed

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-03-04T20:22:00

2004-03-05T04:26:13Z

16th birthday bash....

Friday...Tomorrowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Bowling...Rocketbowl...7:00pm hangout session 2k4 at my house after.

My house: 20953 hemmingway canoga park ca 91304 (818) 882-6339

EVERYONE NEEDS TO GO, BRING FRIENDS ...BRING EVERYONE....!!!

84 days

2004-02-25T17:35:11Z

Happy Birthday to me....the big 16!

Next week everyone is invited to go bowling...if you want to go...(details later)...next friday will most likely be the day...
Hope to see everyone there.

If you'd liek to go...let me know one way or another.

818-882-6339

Ps. my cell is liek lost..dont call it

73 days clean and serene baby!!!!

2004-02-14T18:54:33Z

So its Valentines Day and I used to hate today with every bone in my body but this year....ahahhahaha I love Valentines Day.

Have a wonderful day....

- Kelsey

xnouseforanamex @ 2004-01-15T16:07:00

2004-01-16T00:09:04Z

So I had lunch with my old counselor at ACTION where I went to rehab and such and it turns out...I have a job as soon as I get two years clean... working as a drug and alcohol counselor at the place that has saved my life. good shit.

IM THRILLED!